test

4:00 pm.

It was our first insem exam in the first semester.

Subject was VLSI, at which I’m not very good at but had a confidence that I’ll get through with reasonably good result. This new College to which I joined to do M.tech had a 4 point grade system. I was relatively new to this because where I’ve done my engineering, there was percentage system, so there was some anxiety about how we’re going to be evaluated but nothing serious because if you do well in the exam no matter which system it, you’ll definetly get good result.

Didn’t had any lunch. was reading constantly throughout the day. had headache. had what not ache in my body. after 40 min passed in two hours exam.. i had pretty much written everything in the answer sheet. I didn’t had much answers to the question, only half of the question i was able to attend or answer.

Having a prescription glasses with 100 degree cylindrical axis didn’t help me either. My eyes were hurting me very much and my face showed it all. So what to do next. I glance over my other colleagues… ranjit, who was sitting ahead of me was writing nonstop. i always had an impression that, he is a kind of studious person, I still don’t know whether it’s correct or not!! if you know a person hardly a month.. Impression which you have about them are always wrong. that’s what I think. I don’t know why they say first impression is the last impression. But I don’t think that way now. I didn’t had guts to look behind me… so didn’t saw vivek… he must be having same trouble as me.

Next, I saw Garima, very casually writing answers. Composure was the word that came to my mind when i saw her. I thought she was smiling. may be my tense mind saw anything but everything that has nothing to do with logic. I don’t have anything against her but if you see someone smiling or happy in a damn difficult exam you must become jealous & angry if that someone is student or become sad if that someone is professor. By the way, I have never seen this girl without a smile on her face. What’s wrong with people?

Akshay, who was sitting some what near to me, was also the one who didn’t make me feel any better. Akshay is kind of a happy-go-lucky guy so i didn’t expected that he’ll be writing with his head closer to the answer sheet like sincere top ranked fellows.

Mean while, our professor, who seemed most happy fellow in room, was wandering around poking his nose in everybody’s answer sheet. I don’t know for what reason, but each time he crossed past me, I always covered my answer sheet with question paper. Its ridiculous to hide your answer from the person who is actually going to evaluate you later, but i thought the other way, to avoid feeling guilty of doing wrong and to make our happy professor more happy by not showing my pathetic answers. I wasn’t the brightest of his student but i liked him anyhow.

After 1 hour, I was completely exhausted by such sight seeing. Our happy professor with not much bothered with what he saw,was sitting at his chair. still happy. Like garima, I’ve never seen him without a smile on his face. one of the habits of highly effective people, i guess.

Exam was about to end said my watch, but our professor’s watch said something else.

“30 minutes,(more) to go!!!”

and so two hour test became two and a half hour test. Some of the students had already started to leave but no Mr. Panchal had some different thoughts all together, still not satisfied with the show.

Next thought came to my mind, I always get tensed during exam. nothing new!!! why i can’t be so normal about exam?? I think that the very true measure of knowledge about subject is your evaluation marks plus amount of smile on your face. In that case I’ll definitely get F.

I was out of that room at last. Stunned & soaked up in sweat. too dazzled to speak to anyone. Still looking at everybody!!

I went to home, 1 hour time, it took me a great pain to drive in peak hour traffic. Always felt that why didn’t i was staying in hostel. i was in between the comfort of my home and ease of our hostel. couldn’t sleep till 3 in morning. we had ADSP exam the next day. Couldn’t read that subject also. I had all kind of thought of how will i pass the exam. How to get minimum credit, Why in the first place i thought of doing M.tech & all that crap. Browse through the requirement for passing exam. I thought i will definitely get D. Please god let me out of this exam, I won’t screw it again. May be its not about what you think about your self but it’s about how far have you learned? My evaluation of myself has always been poorer because what people call self confidence is endangered spices in my jungle.

Next day i met ranjit at cafeteria, he was having breakfast. and enjoying it like nothing happend yesterday. first thing i said to him

“I’m surely going to fail!!”

That says all the thing about my my state. Miserable wretch.

Some more days latter I met garima in faculty block 1, where our TA instructor sits

“so how’s was the exam?!!”

“Bakvas!!” she replied.

Now that was a surprise!!

What the hell she was writing in paper then??? I didn’t had guts to say on her face that then why do you sit so happy in exams.

She was more than enough reason to make me go to depression. Future 4 pointer, you know!!

Today, after completing semester when i look back at this first exam i really do laugh out loud. Exam didn’t make my time miserable but it was me who did that & to my pain i do still continue to do that. I must some how learn to smile from this happy people & sail through without secret burning lust of ambition for great things & great result.

By the way, I got A in that subject. Of course i didn’t felt any joy when i heard that!!! didn’t i just call my self a miserable wretch??

Still thinking i could have written this batter way. isn’t it?